Living In A Smoker's Paradise.

Ok, I’m a smoker!

There, I said it!

I can almost hear the rustle of bees wings as they rush to the keyboard and frantically press the orange button, unfollow, unfollow, unfollow! Beware, a smoker is amongst us!

I am not altogether proud of my habit as I have been a hopeless addict for well over thirty years now. Management and my two daughters abhor tobacco smoke and when the girls were living at home and, even now, where its just management and I, I have had to virtually descend to the sewers to satisfy my pathetic cravings.

Oh, I have tried people, tried hard to quit the habit but, alas, all of my efforts have ended in abject failure. You name it, I’ve tried it; nicotine patches, chewing gum, hypnosis, vaping, how to stop smoking books as well as countless goes at cold turkey all to no avail.

My willpower you see is pathetic.

The thing is that, if I was still living in Australia I would have been forced to stop, for that country has (like many other things) draconian laws when it comes to smoking. There are virtually no public places where a smoker is able to light up, beaches, parks, anywhere inside a building, pedestrian malls or in the street for that matter.

A few years ago they introduced what is globally now known as plain packaging for all tobacco products. Now, when one purchases a packet from a tobacconist, supermarket or convenience store, the packs are locked behind a slate grey cabinet out of sight; I swear it’s probably easier to purchase explosives than it is to buy a pack of fags. Each pack now carries the name of the brand in a common typeface with no defining fonts or logos, in fact, there are no logos anymore. All sides of the packs are adorned with some of the most hideous pictures of human organs damaged by smoke and tar that should deter even the most addicted of smokers.

Trouble is it really doesn’t!

Prices have increased on average by about 50% a year for the last ten years or so where now a packet of twenty cigarettes will cost the addict an eye-watering $35 a go! This I would have thought would have swayed even the most hardened smoker to quit but, reading the latest statistics on tobacco consumption apparently this is not the case.

The incidence of smoking among girls, 14 to 25 is higher now than what it was ten years ago. Cigarette brands are the top five highest selling items in the large supermarkets. In 2016 the government's tax take on tobacco was the highest its ever been at a whopping $9.8 Billion! This beats the tax on mining by nearly $8 billion which, when you think about it, is staggering.

The trouble is also that the Australian Government has, alas, become addicted to the revenue generated by the sale of tobacco. If every smoker suddenly quits tomorrow it would put a gigantic hole in the government’s coffers.

Six years ago management and I left the big land down under and resettled in Indonesia on the island of Bali. For a smoker, this would be like dying and then waking up thinking that you are in heaven.

Smoking in Indonesia is rampant and one seemingly can smoke anywhere. When I first arrived I opened a bank account and was welcomed into the local branch office by the manager who sat me down in his office and promptly offered me a cigarette. There we sat, we two, puffing away contentedly, chatting about how to invest my meagre funds!

Smoking here is rampant, egged on by the tobacco companies who decorate each and every outlet that sells their product. Sun awnings, umbrellas, elaborate display stands and all manner of colourful advertising materials festoon the convenience stores and roadside ‘warungs,’urging the public to light up and enjoy.

Billboards for several brands line the side of busy roads, cinema advertising for tobacco is rampant while every event one attends, sexy ‘cigarette girls’ wearing impossibly short skirts blazoned with the client’s logo, roam the crowds giving out free samples.

Then, of course, there is the cost….. wait for it… just $1.90 a pack of twenty so for ex-pats like myself it is not a ‘hardship purchase’ Estimates put the smoking population here at a staggering 172 million which, any way you look at it says that there is a lot of smoking going on.

Lately, the government here has come to the realization that smoking is actually not that good for you and are beginning to introduce curbs to try and deter new smokers and encouraging smokers to quit. Packs now have strange pictures of people who I think are smoking on the front section, although looking at it closely it does sort of resemble a bald-headed man blowing bubbles.

In January 2018 the cost of a pack of cigarettes will rise to $2.35 which is a massive increase when one considers that the average daily wage here is $3.

There have been attempts by restaurants and shopping centres to ban smoking on their premises but, like the French, Indonesians (and foreigners) largely ignore the signs.

For me, a smoker who is ‘dying’ to quit, Indonesia perhaps wasn’t really a wise move as really the lack of restrictions and the price has hardly helped with my pathetic efforts.

However, in the next couple of weeks, I am doing a lightning trip to Singapore where I will see a doctor and obtain a prescription to purchase the ‘magic pill’ Champix. I am told and my research has concurred that this drug will virtually guarantee that even the hardiest smokers will never light up again once the drug is ingested.

So cheer me on fellow bees, and watch this space for further updates.

Paul v Walters is the best selling author of several novels When he is not cocooned in sloth and procrastination in his house in Bali he also scribbles for several leading travel and vox pop journals around the globe.