I Never Sang For My Father.
The title of this piece is attributed to Robert Anderson who wrote the melancholy play of the same title.
I buried my father a few years ago.
Buried is perhaps too loose a term as his body had already been reduced to ashes by the time I had returned ‘home’ to pay my last respects.
For some reason, it was left to me to collect his remains one dismal day in January when the sky was the colour of dirty slate with low clouds scudding like furtive dogs across the sky.
The funeral home was a sad, stand-alone gothic structure painted in a dull shade of cream, replete with a faux tower making it appear as if it had been used on the set of the Adams Family. The front door, when opened triggered a small bell that tinkled merrily as if one was entering a cheery stationary shop or a confectioner.
Once inside I was met by a small statured, nervous-looking undertaker wearing an ill-fitting morning suit who, after I had introduced myself raised the delicate matter regarding the outstanding account relating to the cost of the cremation.
Once the overdue invoice had been settled and several official looking forms duly signed and receipts issued, he shuffled to the rear of the building and returned carrying a small brown cardboard box held together by a piece string that ended in an untidy bow.
Our solemn business concluded, he hurriedly ushered me to the door where he muttered the usual salutations, expressing his sorrow for my recent loss.
I have always found the language of death to be curiously prescribed as if lifted from a greeting card written by a frustrated copywriter locked away in the bowels of a Hallmark building somewhere.
I placed the container on the passenger seat of the car wondering if I should secure it with the seatbelt. There it sat like a silent sentinel and, on driving away I noticed, for some reason that my driving habits became doubly cautious. It was as if I was waiting for a parental rebuke as to my reckless use of the clutch or told to temper my speed as I approached a stop sign,
Safely cocooned within the solitude of my hotel room with blinds drawn and the brown box positioned in the middle of the bed, I, at last, plucked up the courage to attack the untidy knot holding the entire ensemble together.
Once the tangle had been conquered I gingerly lifted the lid and stared inside, noting with interest that the contents barely filled half the space of the container. I carefully lifted the package from its resting place and lay back on the bed holding in my hand the last of my father, trapped inside a small, plastic bank bag.
Holding it up to the light I could see that a crude attempt had been made to scratch the bank’s logo from the surface with little success. Ironically, it was a bank that my father had despised with a passion and he would rant and rave about their unethical business practices to any poor soul who would listen.
I twirled the bag between my fingers looking at it from every angle then brought it closer to my face, better to see the greyish, white powder within.
Judging by its weight I estimated that the entire contents of the pathetic receptacle would possibly fill a medium sized cup. This handful of dust and ashes were all that remained of an eighty-year-old man who had strode this world determined to be unremarkable.
It had been his emphatic wish that, upon his death, there was to be no funeral or memorial service, no fuss or, as he referred to it, “ simply have me burned and be done with it,” He seemed to have no sympathy for the living or indeed those of us left behind.
Death alone merely ends our time on earth, however, it fails to end relationships, which remain like an indelible stamp in the consciousness of those closest to the recently departed. I long suspected that sometime during his life my father had lost his faith, even though he never spoke about it, he was just indifferent to the rituals of death and dying.
Truth be told, we never spoke about the act of dying, in fact, we never spoke much at all really, he and I.
Even even though we shared the same DNA we somehow never understood each other; it was as if the gene that governed the bond between fathers and sons had been deliberately left out of the sequence.
We muddled through my childhood and teenage years keeping pretty much to ourselves like two menacing boxers circling each other in a too- small a ring knowing full well that never a punch would be thrown.
He was certainly not a ‘bad man’ in any sense of the word. I was never beaten or abused; it was just that he was altogether distant and indifferent to my needs. He provided me with a decent enough education and a sanctuary of sorts within the family home, which, from the age of fourteen I was chomping at the bit to leave.
In many ways, I was fortunate to have seen him before he left this world when I travelled across the seas to visit him during his last days. There were regrets on both sides but in a way, it was far too late for those, for regret we both knew was a somewhat wasted emotion, however, today I take comfort in the fact that we parted on good terms.
I was determined to offer my own memorial service by scattering his ashes in a beautiful spot where he used to cast a line into the ocean, chasing the elusive fish that swam beneath the rocks.
I remember him well, standing tall like a reckless sentinel atop an outcrop, the waves crashing at his feet almost willing the angry seas to sweep him from his precarious perch.
It was a place perhaps where he always seemed to be at his happiest.
Naturally, our last act together had to have an almost comical ending as I tried to spread his remains on those self-same turbulent waters by casting them into a prevailing wind.
My sister, watching from afar made the remark when the deed was done, saying, “ You have a bit of Dad in your eyebrow.”
I think even he would have found that amusing.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
Paul v Walters is the author of several best selling novels. When not consumed in sloth and procrastination in his house in Bali, he scribbles for a number of travel and vox pop journals across the globe.
His latest offering, Asset is slated for release in late 2017
www.paulvwalters.net
""""""""
Artikel dari Paul Walters
Lihat blogOn the 18th of February 2020, the Governor of Bali in Indonesia made a painful decision. As of midni ...
Standing at the foot of Mt Ijen contemplating the steep sides of this mighty colossus, rising some 2 ...
(I've been missing in action for a few weeks due to a liaison with a certain virus) · After 18 month ...
Profesional terkait
Anda mungkin tertarik dengan pekerjaan ini
-
Lowongan operator produksi pt yamaha music manufaturing asia karawang 2024pt yamaha music manufacturing asia lowongan kerja terbaru
Ditemukan di: beBee S2 ID - 4 hari yang lalu
Pt Yamaha Music Manufacturing Asia Karawang, Indonesia Waktu penuhFull Time Posted 10 jam ago PT Yamaha Music Manufacturing Asia Lowongan Kerja Terbaru | PT Yamaha Music Manufacturing Asia atau dikenal juga dengan PT YMMA adalah Perusahaan manufactur yang memproduksi alat-alat musik. PT YMMA memiliki fasilitas produksi yang berlokasi di daerah ...
-
Market Research
Ditemukan di: beBee S2 ID - 4 hari yang lalu
RGF HR Agent Recruitment indonesia - jakarta, Indonesia PermanentJob Responsibilities- Conduct research and analysis focused in Renewable Energy.- Lead project development initiatives.- Have a good relationship with stakeholders, government and other external parties- Navigate and stay abreast of the regulatory landscape for renewable energy.- ...
-
Sales staff
Ditemukan di: beBee S2 ID - 23 jam yang lalu
RGF HR Agent Recruitment indonesia - jakarta, Indonesia Permanent-Sales activity for local or MNC clients(Business development and existing support)-Visiting client use company car with driver -Reporting to leader and Japanese -Other related tasks as assigned Aktivitas penjualan untuk klien lokal atau MNC(Pengembangan bisnis dan dukungan yang ...
Komentar
Robert Cormack
4 tahun yang lalu #42
Debasish Majumder
5 tahun yang lalu #41
Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee
5 tahun yang lalu #40
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #39
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit On the contrary, it is you I should thank
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #38
Thank you
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #37
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #36
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #35
Thanks Jerry
Jerry Fletcher
6 tahun yang lalu #34
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #33
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit Thanks you and as always wise words !!
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #32
Sonny Melendrez Thanks for stopping by, as always much appreciated
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #31
Moi Kliniger Thanks for stopping by, much appreciated
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #30
Pamela \ud83d\udc1d Williams Thanks so much... it means a lot to me
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #29
Ken Boddie ThanksKen, good to hear from you
Ken Boddie
6 tahun yang lalu #28
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #27
First of all Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but that loved ones were oblivious to. Thus the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we can leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things as an undiscussable or we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and if he did not think about us, that itself is a wisdom for us, the living.
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #26
First of all Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but that loved ones were oblivious to. Thus the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we can leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things were undiscussable or we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and if he did not think about us, that itself is a wisdom for us, the living.
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #25
First of all Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but we became obvious to. Thus the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we can leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things were undiscussable or we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and if he did not think about us, that itself is a wisdom for us, the living.
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #24
First of all @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but we were oblivious to, so the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things undiscussed and we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and if he did not think about us, that itself is a wisdom for us, the living.
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #23
First of all Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but we became obvious to, so the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things undiscussed and we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and if he did not think about us, that itself is a wisdom for us, the living.
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #22
First of all @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but we became obvious to, so the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things undiscussed and we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and if he did not think about us, that itself is a wisdom for us, the living.
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #21
First of all Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee you are remarkable and yours is not a chip-butty hot dog consuming telly watching beer guzzling fart and sleep life, it is one that is actively fighting for the rights of people, one that is socially conscious and one that has endured the difficult side of existence. During life if we don't have the end-of-life conversation then we should not be surprised about the surprises of death. One of those surprises of death is what that person actually did for you, suddenly you find responsibilities that the deceased carried but we became obvious to, so the more we do for others when we are alive, the greater the hole we leave behind when those people realize that AFTER we die. If that hand off is not discussed before the end-of-life, that is a greater burden than the grief that accompanies death that was put out of mind during the living years. People do face their own mortality in short reverences during a funeral, because even if we feel that we are attending for the loved ones, that piece of uncomfortable mortality is passing through everybody's head and it does that because we leave these things undiscussed and we are frightened or superstitious about tempting fate. What I love about my mother is that she has the death conversation, but she also has the death planning and that goes all the way to who is in and out during a wedding, because she anticipates the burdens before they become a burden. Whereas my dad just cries his eyes out and that who he is. Did he think about us? is not a question that gets us anywhere, we are the ones in the land of the living, we still get to think about us and it maybe he did not think about us, but that itself is a wisdom for us.
Ian Weinberg
6 tahun yang lalu #20
Ian Weinberg
6 tahun yang lalu #19
Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee
6 tahun yang lalu #18
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #17
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #16
Gert Scholtz Thanks as always
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #15
Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher Ah , what woiuld I do without you !
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #14
Thank you sir always appreciate your wisdom
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #13
Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr Thank you. As al3ways appreciated ..a bit or a deviation from my normal flippant self !
don kerr
6 tahun yang lalu #12
CityVP Manjit
6 tahun yang lalu #11
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #10
Lisa Gallagher
6 tahun yang lalu #9
I think your English is wonderful Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee. I can't even speak Spanish. So happy Paul is on beBee too!!
Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸
6 tahun yang lalu #8
Lisa Gallagher
6 tahun yang lalu #7
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
6 tahun yang lalu #6
Gert Scholtz
6 tahun yang lalu #5
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #4
Pascal Derrien You flatter me, however I will take the praise, I need it right now !
Pascal Derrien
6 tahun yang lalu #3
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #2
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #1
Kevin Baker Thank you Kevin, Perhaps, who knows? I don't ponder too much these days. I merely hope that the 'sins of the father' and all of that !