How To Hop Across A Few Continents On Three Legs.
If there is one thing I have learnt after many years of travel, it is the trick of, ‘travelling light’. Excess baggage is nothing more than a cumbersome millstone when boarding planes, trains, boats or any other form of transportation when one is on the move.
When taking family vacations to far flung climes, our two daughters would have to endure having their luggage inspected by the terrifying “luggage police’ (i.e. management) who would discard items at will from overstuffed bags. Numerous pairs of shoes, make up containers, hair straighteners, hair dryers and other such items would be tossed into an ever - growing pile until the travelling bag was suitably anorexic enough to pass the ‘travel test.’
This discipline has served me and I hope my offspring well as I have perfected the art of using just one smallish bag and a light backpack to accompany me on journeys that have often lasted months….
That is, until now!
In a couple of days we shall depart Bali and will visit, Cambodia, South Africa, Botswana, Namibia, U.K. France, Spain and possibly Portugal over the course of about fourteen weeks. Now, usually I wouldn’t be at all concerned about luggage as my trusty bag and backpack cope surprisingly well on extended trips such as this one however, something happened recently to upset the balance of my regimented regime.
I broke my bloody ankle.
This injury required some rather invasive surgery which involved the inserting of all manner of pins and plates into my lower left leg which will, from now on set off every metal detector at airports around the world. I envision myself stripping naked in front of hordes of waiting passengers in order to convince security personnel that I am in fact not carrying a weapon of mass destruction.
I have begun to assemble everything I will need on this journey and because of the state of my left limb; my luggage quota seems to have swelled as if in sympathy with my damaged ankle.
I sit morosely in my wheelchair staring at the pile of ‘stuff’ that will have to be carted aboard numerous airlines, boats and trains. Apart from the cameras, lenses, laptop, journals, i-pad and hard drives there are three items that have suddenly become indispensable to the trip and unfortunately, without them I wouldn’t be going anywhere.
A grey orthopedic boot will be attached to my limb, which I am reliably informed will assist in me get around. This ergonomically piece of equipment actually comes with a manual on how to use it! There are numerous buttons that operate air pumps for inflating and deflating the boot along with all manner of locks levers and industrial strength sheets of Velcro to keep everything in place. Assembling an item from IKEA, with that ridiculous Alan key they give you, is a lot simpler. The cost of this space age piece of equipment is actually bigger than the GDP of a small African county.
Oh yes, I almost forgot Romulus and Remus, my despised companions who, although supposedly commissioned to assist me in the simple task of ‘getting around,’ cunningly inflict more pain on my body than a torturer from the Spanish Inquisition could ever manage. They are of course the ever - present pair of crutches.
Now these bits of wood with negligible padding at the top meaning that one’s armpits are subjected to excruciating agony every time one takes a step, are my constant companions.
Lately, on my rare forays into the outside world, these dastardly crutches seem to elicit pitying stares from passers by who no doubt whisper to themselves, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
Now I have gleaned a little from this incapacitated state that I find myself in, I intend to milk it for everything it's worth, especially when it comes to airlines.
I have cunningly crafted letters to the heads of airlines telling them that I will be flying on their carrier in the next couple of months and I might find this awkward given my frail state. I have to say that that the responses have been somewhat gratifying. Seems I shall be met outside each airport by a flunky from one of the carriers I shall be using on that particular day. This poor soul will then have to wheel me to check in, through the ‘infirm’ security and immigration lines to the airline lounge where all manner of treats will be brought to me in order to ease my suffering.
I will of course make my severe discomfort known to the airline staff and, if I were to be convincing enough, hope to hear those magical words, “perhaps sir would be more comfortable in 1st, that way you can elevate your leg.”
“ Oh yes, thank you so much” I will reply in a pathetic voice, “ That will be most helpful, however could you ensure that management gets looked after in row 92 in economy, she’s been such a treasure throughout all of this”
Now I am not sure whether this ploy will in fact play out the way I imagine, but if it does I am more than willing to rent Romulus and Remus, as well as the moon boot, to those contemplating an intercontinental flight in the near future.
That is once my affliction has healed of course so stay tuned!
Paul v Walters is the best selling author of several novels and when not cocooned in sloth and procrastination in his house in Bali, he scribbles for several vox pop and travel journals around the world. His latest offering, Asset, should, (barring any other unfortunate accidents) be released in late 2017.
"""""""
Artikel dari Paul Walters
Lihat blogOnce filled with the sounds of suitcases rattling over the slightly uneven pavements, pulled along b ...
Ignorance, thankfully, is something that we can cure. Stupidity, on the other hand, is terminal. · F ...
Well, Covid came, Covid left, and what did I do? · Let me think. Nothing, I did absolutely nothing a ...
Profesional terkait
Anda mungkin tertarik dengan pekerjaan ini
-
Japanese Interpreter
Ditemukan di: beBee S2 ID - 17 jam yang lalu
RGF HR Agent Recruitment indonesia - bekasi/cikarang, Indonesia Permanent- Translate from Japanese language to Indonesian language (Vice Versa)- Join Internal & External meeting with Japanese and local staff- Translate Document if needed- General translating (global Menerjemahkan dari bahasa Jepang ke bahasa Indonesia (dan sebaliknya)- Mengikuti rapat ...
-
Japanese Translator
Ditemukan di: beBee S2 ID - 17 jam yang lalu
RGF HR Agent Recruitment indonesia - bekasi/cikarang, Indonesia Permanent- Translate documents, emails, and reports from Japanese to Bahasa Indonesia.- Interpret Conversation or Meeting from Japanese to Staff Local and Staff Japanese - Supporting President Director- Prepare data on the costs, quality, and control of raw materials.- Prepare Schedule (m ...
-
Sales canvassing
Ditemukan di: beBee S2 ID - 2 hari yang lalu
Peluang Kerjaku Kab. Bekasi, Indonesia Waktu penuh· •Menawarkan produk provider internet wifi · •Melakukan penjualan produk provider internet wifi secara door to door- Pria/Wanita- Tanpa Pengalaman Bekerja- SMA/SMK Tahun- Terima kandidat tanpa foto diri- Radius 20 km dari penempatan kerja ...
Komentar
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #30
Dean Owen Airavata here I come...Thank you
Dean Owen
6 tahun yang lalu #29
Sounds like after all that activity and cunning you deserve some pampering and liquid refreshment. May I suggest the signature cocktail, the Airavata at the rather splendid Elephant Bar at the Raffles Grand Hotel d'Angkor....
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #28
Dean Owen Greetings from Phnom Penh . Well have to say the boot is working!!! A 'private tour " of Angkor Wat after closing time, An upgrade on Air Asia of all things, and a "royal Suite" on the ground floor of the rather fabulous "Pavilions" hotel In Phnom Penh . Saturday I fly Qatar Airways to Hong Kong and on to Jhb via Doha. And we know whats happening with that little nation...I'm plugging for 1st class as I suspect the plane will be empty anyway....tally ho. halfway through a rather lengthy blog on Cambodia... bit of a 'bruised plum' this poor country !
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #27
Jerry Fletcher
6 tahun yang lalu #26
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #25
Dean Owen Gosh for a moment we thought we had lost you !! Checked all the hospitals, clinics and fleshpots with no success !! However, here you are safe and sound!! need a bit of Owen writing to amuse myself while getting pushed around in a wheelchair by strapping African lads so jump to it!!
Dean Owen
6 tahun yang lalu #24
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #23
Ken Boddie Thanks ken...break a leg indeed!!! Couldnt help yourself could you?
Ken Boddie
6 tahun yang lalu #22
Lisa Gallagher
6 tahun yang lalu #21
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #20
debasish majumder As always ...thank you
Irene 🐝 Rodriesco
6 tahun yang lalu #19
A brunette and a blonde, daughters of the town of Madrid, 😃. Here we await you.
don kerr
6 tahun yang lalu #18
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #17
Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee Thanks . Should be in Spain mid August
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #16
Irene \ud83d\udc1d Rodriguez Escolar A blonde and a brunette might do the trick !!! Thanks
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #15
Todd Jones Thanks for that . Methinks I shall avoid travel in the USA while Mr you know who is in the White House.
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #14
Brook Massey There is no doubt...thanks for stopping by
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #13
Gert Scholtz ...the puns are coming thick and fast
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #12
Bengt Hahlin I shall take all of that advice on board ....thanks for stopping by .
Gert Scholtz
6 tahun yang lalu #11
Brook Massey
6 tahun yang lalu #10
Irene 🐝 Rodriesco
6 tahun yang lalu #9
Ian Weinberg
6 tahun yang lalu #8
Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸
6 tahun yang lalu #7
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #6
Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee Thanks for stoppin by, always a pleasure to see your name.
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #5
Pascal Derrien
6 tahun yang lalu #4
Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee
6 tahun yang lalu #3
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #2
Paul Walters
6 tahun yang lalu #1