Stephanie Brookes

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DIVORCE IN BALI - The Inconvenient Truth

DIVORCE IN BALI - The Inconvenient Truth

Divorce in Bali – The Inconvenient Truth

Ibu Sari is the founder of the PKP Women’s Centre (Pusat Kegiatan Perempuan) located just outside Ubud, Bali. PKP is a community centre for Balinese women to go for support if they have left a marriage. It is a nurturing and safe place. Bali is a patriarchal society and if you are a woman fleeing a marriage you are often ostracised. You are seen as bringing shame on yourself, your village and your immediate family. It is customary for children to stay with ex-husbands, with access sometimes denied sometimes for several years. This was the case for Sari. She has not seen her daughter in three years.

Sari is a divorcee of 13 years. When I visited the PKP Centre, she recounted the challenges faced in Bali when you leave your husband. On marrying, you must move to your husband’s village. But where do you go when you seek a divorce? If you return to your original village, people there regard you with disdain. Other women think you will take their husbands and fear you. Men often view you as promiscuous and denigrate you. In short, she explained, it is very uncomfortable to return.

Interview with Ni Komang Sariadi, known as Ibu Sari


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Why did you build the PKP Centre?

I needed a safe place to live. I also needed a place of my own, a place my daughter could visit. A female divorcee has a hard life in Bali. You must face the community and society. The first three years were the hardest. I had to leave my daughter with my ex-husband's family. However, I am a determined woman, and I made a commitment to turn my pain into a positive. I decided to get an education, studying in Denpasar. Here, I met many women with different issues. I met women unable to bear children who were ousted from their marriage, and women with economic issues after deciding to divorce. So, I had to do something. I decided to create a place of harmony, and the PKP Centre was formed.

How did the PKP Centre get built?

Well, this is my biggest dream come true. I networked with people, and in the last three years, I have received overwhelming support and love from everyone - from all over the world.

What were you involved in before PKP?

I am the director of Sari Hati Foundation, a school for mentally disabled Balinese children. A man from Israel and a Swiss lady started the foundation. I became a teacher for Sari Hati, and the biggest benefit was for myself. I learnt a lot from the children - how to make myself happy, no matter how rich or poor, or whatever my situation. Only you can control your happiness. My early training taught me to believe in the 5 K's: kebersamaan (togetherness), kepedulian (caring), kerukunan (harmony), kepercayaan (trust), and kasih sayang (love).

I embraced the 5 K's from a very deep place inside me. Every day I kept learning and used this philosophy to strengthen myself within. I also learnt to embrace the 3 E's - everyone is a teacher, every place is a school, and every moment is a lesson. With the 3 E's, I broadened my horizons and learnt more about myself. Above all, I developed an understanding of other people. Lastly, because things come in threes, I maintain the 3 P's; passion, patience and perseverance, and apply them to my life. For me, life is one continuous momentum of learning and working.

Can you tell me about PKP’s program?

We run English and computer classes for women and children plus yoga sessions and a support group. We love to dance and look after our health. Luckily for us, a dynamic Jazzercise teacher offers fitness classes. We teach our members how to cook healthy food, and how to cut down on oil and sugar and eliminate MSG. We also conduct a very successful littering awareness program, telling communities why, when and how to care for the environment.

What is the most exciting event you have held?

The 1-year anniversary celebration of PKP in February 2016 was by far the most exciting, with over 200 people attending. We decorated the trees with little stories. Some were personal stories told by Centre women, and some explained Balinese tradition and village rules. We wrote Centre accomplishments on the branches. The concept was that the trees could talk.

Tell me about the catering business.

We established a Facebook site, and orders started to flow in. We cook healthy, clean food without MSG or excess oil. We do the cooking here on site and deliver. For our 1-year anniversary, we had to serve over 200 people. We had 25 woven baskets lined with banana leaf hanging off a long pole on pieces of string. The baskets were overflowing with steamed rice, grilled eggplant, tofu curry, tempeh dishes, several types of cassava dishes and deserts. Everyone loved the dishes, our homemade sauces and accompaniments. We catered without using plastic. The word spread.

Tell me about the PKP documentary.

After I had left my husband’s village, I moved to Denpasar and enrolled in study. I had to make a new life. I met many westerners. My Hungarian friend was keen to make a documentary about the Centre. After seeing that documentary, many expat friends and associates have helped me and donated equipment and helped set up some of the programs. It's a beautiful thing.

How does the sewing circle work?

We teach people to sew. We get donations of second-hand clothing and make items like aprons, reusable shopping bags and children's clothing. The sewing circle is pretty much self-sustaining. We make clothes from recycled material. We love donations.

How has the PKP changed over time?

In the beginning, we were a Centre associated with problems, but now we have moved forward. We are a Centre for all women. Young people have come to hear about us and join our activities. PKP is now for everyone wanting to embrace self-esteem, empowerment, courage, and a healthy mind and body. We work together to tackle issues.


This interview conducted by Stephanie Brookes

Www.travelwriter.ws



PKP Women's Centre – Please visit us, bring a group and we will cater lunch.

Banjar Gentong, Desa Tegalalang, Ubud, Bali

Email: saripollenjegeg@gmail.com

Sari - +62 852 38799001

Facebook: PKP Women's Centre

Donations: Bank Name: BCA Bank

Account Name: Yay Pusat Kegiatan Perempuan

Account Number: 135 041 00 11

Swift Code: CENAIDJA

Donations welcome at the Tegalalang, Ubud, Bali Centre; books, computers, educational supplies, used clothing, new material, dry goods and financial donations.


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Komentar

Dean Owen

7 tahun yang lalu #1

You should mount a campaign to nominate Ibu Sari for CNN Heroes.

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